When One Thing Ends, Another begins

Xavier awakens with a jolt startled by his dreams of recent nights. This one worse than the previous. The reoccurring dreams must mean something.
“ahh I can never sleep anymore” he says. He turns over and attempts to get comfortable on the cardboard and pulls the large sweater back over his shoulders. He lays under the stars in the park and looks towards the lake where the moon is reflecting a soft yet omnipotent light.
“what was that???” Xavier sits up and turns to his right, trying to focus his eyes on the thing making the noise. There is a soft rustling and a short husky grunt. Xavier bolts up, grabbing his knife from its sheath attached to his thigh. There is a soft green glow in the distance. Xavier runs toward it for no apparent reason. Suddenly there is a yelp. It is not a cry of a human or even an animal it is something different, something strange and unknown. Xavier dashes towards the light and trips over the root of one of the many oaks. He gets up quickly and streaks towards the door. It is locked. He knocks fervently yet there is no reply. He turns around to the audience of people sitting in the lobby of the psychiatric ward of the hospital. Each of their faces yearning to be recognized and loved. He tries the door one more time and it is open. Xavier walks through only to discover that he is lying right back on his bed with the noise still resounding within his head. The soft green glow has gotten brighter and has moved towards the lake. Instead of running Xavier takes his time and walks slowly down to the water careful to minimize the many crunches and cracks of the twigs and leaves beneath his warm feet. He reaches the shore and the light seems to be coming from beneath the surface. He slowly drifts his hands beneath the surface and tries to snatch the light from under the water. He leans far out as the green moves away farther and farther. He reaches for it and cant touch it. He reaches farther and farther until he has reached too far. He plunges into the water. He sinks fast he tries to swim upward but only ends up plunging deeper and deeper into the dark waters. He swims for what seems to be an eternity and finally reaches the surface. He thrusts his head into the cool air and the sun suddenly beams on his wet head. He slowly gets out of the pool and starts to de-robe. One piece of clothing comes off at a time, drenched and soaked with water. He keeps his underwear on and slowly moves to the fence. Looking through out to the free world. He sees a house in the distance and moves towards it without taking a step. He tries to use the door to get in but it is locked yet again. He peeps through the window. There is a family gathered around a table. The table is set for 4 but there is only one person there. It is a woman, she is holding a baby in her arms and placing food on the plates that will surely not be eaten. There is a sense of recognition within the walls of the house and he sees a mirror on the opposite wall. In the reflection he is sitting down with his two sons. Sitting across from his wife, he is holding a baby. Xavier begin to weep. He wipes his tears away and looks at his hands. They are stained with blood. He looks back at the image in the mirror and notices that he and the two children are all bleeding and distorted. The one boy is missing an arm and his jaw is hanging off the left side of his face. His teeth are imbedded into his cheek sticking out the other side. Xavier feels a tugging at his chest. He looks down to see his arm clinched on his side his hand mangled and limp covered in ice and blood. Xavier sits up drenched in sweat. He looks down at his hand to make sure that it is fine. His hand is not there. Xavier screams and jumps up. He is blinded by a red light and collapses onto his makeshift bed.
He awakens several hours later in bed. He rolls over and puts his hand on his wifes shoulder. She rolls over with a blank look on her face. Xavier gets up and gets dressed, kisses his cold wifes face goodbye. Goes into the kids room and does the same to them. He grabs his revolver from his bedside dresser. The cold blue steel smooth on his hands. He loads it up and tucks it snugly between his hip and his pants. He sets off to the cemetery. He visit’s the grave marked X. Holland. He kneels down. Pulls the revolver from his waistband. Places the round chill muzzle on his left temple. He pulls the trigger. A loud shot rings out through the cemetery as the crows scatter and fly away on the light breeze. Xavier gets up and wipes the blood off his face and treks off to the shelter for some moldy bread.

Apples

When I woke up this morning I realized that I only had 7 apples left from the 11 that I bought yesterday but I only remember eating 3 and that means that there is still 1 missing. It seems like I always lose things, physical and emotional alike. I lose everything. My hand still tingles from where I almost lost it last winter.
I walk towards the bar and see a family getting into a dispute. Well the entire family isn’t its just the two little brats in the back seat of their cliché minivan. The two boys are bickering over something trivial no doubt and their dad is trying to get them to stop while the mother just sits there looking blankly at the traffic light. There is a baby sitting in the middle seat that I hadn’t noticed at first. He or she is sleeping and is very peaceful. The  light turns green and the mother slowly drives the car around the corner until they are no longer in sight. All of a sudden there is a loud crash and a grinding of metal that roars through the city block. I jog around the corner to where the van turned and 40 yards in front of me there is a riveting scene. The van has been broadsided on its left and is wrapped around the front end of a tan SUV. The light is green in front of the van and it looks like the SUV ran its red and drove right into the van. I approach the scene and there is glass everywhere with the smell of oil and burnt rubber emitting from the pavement and the twisted metal. There are people holding a woman back. She is the mother. Her screams wretch out of her body as she thrashes and jolts trying to make it to the car where 10 or 15 people are already pulling at the scrap metal and attempting to remove the three little bodies that are trapped inside. I walk around to the passengers side and amidst the movement of the helpers I see a man slumped over with his head leaning on the dashboard arm at his side mangled and bleeding. His face is slowly dripping blood and his eyes are flickering open and shut. He is conscious but barely and is breathing deeply. I step up to the van and see that his legs are trapped and the door is pinning his lower body down. I look in the back and wish I hadn’t. the baby is fine but the other two children are not. Their little bodies thrashed and lifeless.
I try to help but with little success and I leave removing myself from the horror scene. I make it to the bar and have a drink. I pull an apple out of my pocket.

Daydream...

As I’m walking down poplar I realize something. What a beautiful day. It seems that every day is getting more beautiful. I’ve been all around the world and for some reason this city is still the most beautiful place I have ever been. Its beautiful in a different way I guess. I love the beach actually. I’ve never been to the Caribbean. Maybe I’ll go. I just really like the lifestyle. Everyone there is not focused on the trivial or material aspects of life and just enjoy what they have. Ill go. Maybe not now or not this year but I’ll definitely go before I die. I guess I have to fly, or I could hitch hike down to Florida and see if I might be able to take a boat down. Whatever way, I am going and it is going to be amazing. This is happening. I wish I could share it with them, maybe by then… I’ll put that off for now.

         I’ll take a small vacation, off to the park. I suppose however that I should get some waffles beforehand.
         Xavier strolled towards Casa de Waffles in a light manner, imagining his blissful vacation, in all its ignorance. As he entered the restaurant the smell of sweet syrup, old coffee and of course waffles hit him and he felt at home. He grabbed a cup of Joe and sat in ‘his’ corner. He was lucky to be able to sit here. CdeW wasn’t particularly busy today, but being that it was a Friday it was more so than usual. The waitress brought him a waffle and he asked for butter. She replied with a quick short and very blunt, no. Now Xavier couldn’t fathom any possible reason why she would say this but continued to eat his waffles plain. He didn’t even want to get up to get the syrup at the table next to him nor did he want to ask the waiter for it.  As he sat mostly enjoying his meal he noticed the mother and son come in for their daily breakfast meal.

         By now it must have been half past eleven and this is later than usual for them, much later. Xavier gripped his mug with the three fingers and thumb he had left on his right hand and smiled at the child. The child frowned in return and got quite upset. Xavier didn’t know what he had been doing wrong lately but it seemed like everyone was slowly shying away from him. He got the check and left to the park.

Upon arriving at the park he found a kite. It was red and gold shimmering in the sun. He attempted to fly it for a little over an hour with no avail and retired to the shade of a tree to sleep and to dream.

Songbird

            I was walking through the park as I normally do. Just drifting along under the trees through the relaxing shade and beautiful sounds of the birds. The birds in the trees with their heavenly songs, whispering their notes on the cool breeze. I decided to take of my shoes and walk barefoot through the grass, something I haven’t been able to do in months. As I step on the cool green path I see something moving out of the corner of my eye. As I get closer I realize it is a bird, a cardinal. Its fierce red is burning against the cool green as it twitches and flops around. I move in closer and see that its wing has been injured. There is a little blood on the bird and the grass around it. The bird is attempting to fly. The determination and persistence not wavering a bit it tries again. No success. The bird will certainly die within a few hours. A young woman is watching the bird as well from a distance. She seems afraid to see the pain and eminent death of the bird and keeps her space. She is wearing some sort of scrubs as if she is a doctor. I wonder how a doctor could be afraid of death and pain. I motion her to come forward and she doesn’t budge. She looks on with a sense of longing in her face.

            The bird has stopped its futile attempts. Its black crown glistening in the early morning sun and its chest rapidly expanding and retracting. Its eyes are black. The bird has tired and is no longer trying to fly. It begins to sing. Very softly at first, then louder. It seems to be calling to something. Then it stops. The breeze stops. I look into the sky to see few clouds. Both I and the woman go on our way.

past, present, future

      They’ve been looking for me for several years. More than I care to remember, but I know exactly how long down to the minute. Its what I’ve been trained to do. What I did, I will never forget. It was an accident, or at least I think it was. That is if I did it at all. Some parts of my life are unclear and more of a fog than a solid image. I used to try and figure things out but now I see no point in it. As I am sitting in the booth at The Café, looking out the window I see a man peering right back at me. He has on a long brown coat and slacks. A bus drives by and then he is gone.

“I fit the profile”, they said. I was very careful, precise, and most of all, untrusting. I had intensive training that seemed to last years. One day I realized it was the real thing. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it though, for I had some of the best times of my life while under contract. I just got tired of it. While I got to see the world and travel it became a hassle. So I decided to get out. I started a family. I had never loved something so much. They meant everything to me. I couldn’t imagine life without them until I got the call.

I remember the man's voice on the phone. It was deep and resounding but light enough to sound official and not too savage. It had a bit of gravely undertone and seemed to be a little sympathetic. I had to leave. It was for their own good. Just as my father left his family, I had to leave my family.

Murder?

I was pretty good until my injury. I was even college-bound. Now all I do is watch, sit and watch. I always feel restless when I watch. Its a feeling of desire and want that is more emotional then physical. Out there I had everything. I was everything. I sat and watched until there was only one man left. Then there was no one left. Just me and this place that is so familiar but distant. I start to walk out there sensing a faint feeling that is fading quickly as I realize the pointlessness of my pursuit.

I turn and head back and see someone out of the corner of my eye. They seem to be running towards the abandoned building to my left. There is someone chasing them. The dark figures move quickly. Dashing under a streetlight I can make out the first man. It was the man who just left. Still in his white tshirt and shorts. The man chasing him was wearing a simple zip up hoodie and either a blue or black shirt with some white writing on it and jeans. He was holding something in his left hand that reflected in the light. He followed the first man into the building. I hear a sort of banging and crash. Seconds later the man wearing the hoodie comes out with his hands in his pockets and looks around briefly then casually walks away.

Christ is born, someone dies

Its almost Christmas. One of the times of the year I fear and envy the most. The snow covers nearly everything with its ever white cascading face. Its so cold all the time. There is barely any kind of warmth anywhere and if it is there than its usually falsified and manufactured by some company somewhere pushing the 'holiday spirit' upon everyone of the naive consumers. I once bought into the flashiness of the Christmas Yule until I wised up and saw it for what it truly is.
One person I’ve never liked is Elvis. He just creeps me out, always has. I just really don’t understand why anyone would dress up like him, especially around Christmas. There is one thing however that I look forward to every year.
As I open the doors, the smell gently wafts into my nostrils and I feel the familiar warmth of the stoves on my freezing face. I quickly jump in line and grab a plate. Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, beans of all sorts, rolls, salads, hot chocolate, egg nog. Needless to say I load my plate and take a seat next to one of the three Santa’s in the room. I keep to myself eating my meal rather hastily yet I savor every delicious bite. This is the best meal they have here all year every year.
I leave and take a stroll down the well lit street with all the wreaths around the light poles, heading towards the church to seek some refuge from the cold. I cross the street and all of a sudden I hear a metallic grinding. I turn to my left and I see a slim figure coming straight for me. I try to move but I am a little too late. The handlebar clips me and I stumble backward. I fall straight back as I slip on the ice and poorly catch myself with my hand. An excruciating pain shoots up my arm and my hand goes numb. I attempt to get up but slip and fall again this time tucking my arm in and taking the brute force on my back which now hurt almost as much as my hand. I struggle to get up and make my way down and across the street stumbling and clutching my hand and my back. I pass by yet another Santa who is collecting money and I realize that I have made it to the church. I collapse on the stairs